9.13.2005

OK enough blogging about disaster for a while

I'm sorta lonely. I feel compelled to point this out on my blog because of its function as the new emblem of narcissism. The blog is the place where even people who aren't lonely come to be alone, and wallow in the self. Plus it's a great passive-aggressive tool for, yknow, trying to get people to care without really trying.
...I can go a whole day without speaking a full English sentence to anyone. At my job, I often try to speak as little as possible, so as not to contribute to the general din. If I do speak, it's usually in some kind of broken casino English, "Two thousand you got," "Sister we can't do like that," "Every day no problem," ad nauseum.
...I talk to voicemails. I whisper little things to my co-workers. I blog and write emails. I work on my movie projects, which involves regular meetings with the writer, director, editor, producers, and investors....that is, me.
...I miss community, I miss evenings in bars with friends who aren't married or planning their weddings to their dog or their children or whathaveyou.
...Today was a funny day at work because I was the only male on the swing shift out of 4 employees. Our company is male-dominated so that hardly ever happens. The whole day was spent doing an unusual amount of errands for my female coworkers and the predominantly female players; changing chips, fetching cookies, fetching turkey jerky, can you put this here, can you put that over there....it reminded me a lot of having a longtime girlfriend, or actually having 3 girlfriends, which I've never had. It also reminded me that women tend to ask for things that they want, whereas men tend to not ask for things and resent the fact that they don't have them. Generally speaking.
...For example, my face is sunburned, and I resent the fact that I have to go get aloe vera for myself if I want to have any. I don't even see my roommates enough in the daylight hours to ask them if there is any in the house. The last time I needed the stuff, I got it for myself. Whenever I need something, I pretty much get it for myself. Or I don't, and go without it. No one knows that I need it. No one has the option to worry about it.
...Of course, the grass is always greener, and I know I'm lucky to be self-sufficient and free and financially independent and all that stuff. I guess lately I'm suffering from that Not Very Hooked-Up Feeling. And I don't just mean in that romantic way, but in that "supplied with aloe vera and recommended reading material and snacks and all the other little tchotchkes that somehow find their way into your hands when you are a very hooked-up person" kind of way.

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