The Last Piece of Sushi (a film by Bernardo Bertolucci with Tom Cruise)

EXT. ASIA

Three pieces of sushi sit beneath the falling cherry blossoms.

KAPPAMAKI: The old ways are dying.

FUTOMAKI: The old rolls are dying.

TOM CRUISE ROLL (AN ORPHANED TIGER SHRIMP DESPERATELY TRYING TO SURPASS THE LEGACY OF HIS LEGENDARY FATHER SHRIMP, AVOCADO, AND CREAM CHEESE): Westerners are so stupid.

KAPPAMAKI: I have dreamed of a modern Japan. With a powerful sex industry, and DVD players that are better than anyone else's DVD players. Now we have Dragon Rolls, Chicago Rolls, Bacon-Wrapped Low-Carb Alfalfa Rolls. But we must never forget....who we are.

FUTOMAKI: Who are we?
(impales self in stomach)

TOM CRUISE ROLL: You are a beautiful people. SAKE! SAKE! SAKE!

TAMAGO (BEAUTIFUL EGG NIGIRI IN FEMININE SEAWEED WRAP, WITH CREAM CHEESE): Dozo, Tom Cruise-san.

TOM CRUISE ROLL: I am...sorry for colonizing your beautiful country.

TAMAGO: Bite me.

TOM CRUISE ROLL: I'm not that sorry.

FUTOMAKI: The tempura! It is...perfect.
(starts to croak)

KAPPAMAKI: Let us die!
(impales self on sword, dies)

TAMAGO: For a dream that was Japan!
(impales self on sword, dies)

TOM CRUISE ROLL: Me too!
(impales self on swollen male member)

FUTOMAKI: And a child shall lead us.
(dies)

TOM CRUISE ROLL: Haha I was just kidding. I'm still alive.

FADE TO BLACK.

Comments

Kristen said…
You are phenomenally silly.
Karen said…
While my google search did not yield the expected Dozo sushi menu, at least I got to enjoy your delightfully wacky script.
dm said…
are you some karen i know? or some karen i do not know? in any case, what is dozo sushi? charmed, i'm sure.