repair
...did a little repair today, on bodily health, on relationships, on state of mind. it was sort of like doing nothing and sort of doing a lot. wanted to note it for the record.
gee whiz
....this kinda cute player winked at me from across the table the other night. Not an earth-shattering social development, but I don't get too many winks, so it was sort of encouraging. She's one of the regulars, a smiley Vietnamese woman who, being Asian, could be anywhere in age from 28 to 55.
plans within plans
Having slacked off most of the day watching the 3-hour recut of David Lynch's "Dune," i realized that I needed a plan lest I succumb to the temptation to spend the Rest of My Life sitting on a futon watching that masterpiece of a movie over and over again. Because that's what "Dune" is about -- having a complicated, devious plan to control all life/spice in the universe, and that's what I'm lacking. So I came up with six different plans, each a potential fallback of the other.
PLAN A: conform screenplay-writing and filmmaking to commercial/intelligible standards, risk financial ruin, make big movie, receive big accolades, quit job, find chick, become disgracefully-well-paid cog in Hollywood ego machine
PLAN B: maintain job, fret over financial security, devote efforts to making more money, buy snazzy household appliances, find normal chick, become normal
PLAN C: get back into theater, make stressful but spiritually-rewarding art, let house fall into ruin full of rehearsals and scraps of sets and props, probably find some really insane chick, repeat emotional failures of the years circa 1994-2001
PLAN D: maintain job, maintain casino- and Los Angeles-induced neuroses, and write novel about them (the novel being the most cost-effective and relationship-free art form that I can see)
PLAN E: concentrate all efforts on finding chick, which is probably the area in which I need the most improvement anyway. And by chick I mean...you know...soulmate.
PLAN F: learn how to play bitchin' guitar solos
I feel on much better footing now that these 6 practical, executable, totally contradictory plans are in place. And now when something falls through, instead of having existential crisis, I can just utter the magic words, "Well I guess it's time for Plan B/C/D/E/F." I've always really wanted to say that, anyway.
PLAN A: conform screenplay-writing and filmmaking to commercial/intelligible standards, risk financial ruin, make big movie, receive big accolades, quit job, find chick, become disgracefully-well-paid cog in Hollywood ego machine
PLAN B: maintain job, fret over financial security, devote efforts to making more money, buy snazzy household appliances, find normal chick, become normal
PLAN C: get back into theater, make stressful but spiritually-rewarding art, let house fall into ruin full of rehearsals and scraps of sets and props, probably find some really insane chick, repeat emotional failures of the years circa 1994-2001
PLAN D: maintain job, maintain casino- and Los Angeles-induced neuroses, and write novel about them (the novel being the most cost-effective and relationship-free art form that I can see)
PLAN E: concentrate all efforts on finding chick, which is probably the area in which I need the most improvement anyway. And by chick I mean...you know...soulmate.
PLAN F: learn how to play bitchin' guitar solos
I feel on much better footing now that these 6 practical, executable, totally contradictory plans are in place. And now when something falls through, instead of having existential crisis, I can just utter the magic words, "Well I guess it's time for Plan B/C/D/E/F." I've always really wanted to say that, anyway.
heard in the casino today....
....from this older Persian lady:
"How come you get in the middle of a problem that has nothing to do with you? It's between the two of them! Why do you get involved when it's not your problem? Why don't you just let them work it out themselves? I don't understand why you have to open your mouth for something that doesn't concern you...."
Yes, the lady was scolding the floorman for intervening in a dispute between two players that had absolutely nothing to do with her. She went on and on about this, how ridiculous it was for people to get involved in other people's problems that are none of their business, for what seemed like forever.
"How come you get in the middle of a problem that has nothing to do with you? It's between the two of them! Why do you get involved when it's not your problem? Why don't you just let them work it out themselves? I don't understand why you have to open your mouth for something that doesn't concern you...."
Yes, the lady was scolding the floorman for intervening in a dispute between two players that had absolutely nothing to do with her. She went on and on about this, how ridiculous it was for people to get involved in other people's problems that are none of their business, for what seemed like forever.
supermarket blues
Every time I go to the supermarket, I feel poor. The price of bathtub cleaner and breakfast cereal has gone up, what, like four dollars in my lifetime? That's an exaggeration because it would mean I was getting Crispix for free at the time of my birth, but I think you know what I'm talking about. I mean, macaroni and cheeze is almost three bucks a box now, and you still have to cook it and provide your own milk and butter. You'd think it would be self-custardizing by now, or at least would come in handy mac-cheeze enriched energy bar form. Also, I used to love Ritz crackers, but I never noticed that those are some salty little bastards. Was that always the case? Did they invent the low-sodium version so that they could make the regular ones entirely encrusted in salt crystal? It's harder to appreciate their buttery goodness when your whole mouth is seizing up.
This blog is clearly due for a post about some monumental change in my life, but this is not it.
This blog is clearly due for a post about some monumental change in my life, but this is not it.
new game
Baccarat has a nice rhythm to it, and so far is much calmer and more comfortable to play than our other game. There's no brass dice cup, so it's also a lot easier on the ears. Whereas pan-9 feels like a linear game (one dealer hand vs. seven player hands) baccarat is has one dealer hand side by side with one player hand, and the betting is also set up in this lateral (if I'm using that word correctly) fashion. So it took a while to adjust the thinking to this spatial arrangement, but now that i'm getting the hang of it, it's fairly fun. The corporation player is involved in every hand so time goes by much quicker. We do the payouts as well, and I gotta say it's more rewarding to hand players their winnings rather than just watch the chips be taken away by the dealer. Also, it is the only game in the casino that has a video monitor tracking the hand results on a chart with lots of little blue, green and red dots. Call me easily amused.
epiphany of the week
If not too many people are attracted to you, it's cool, because you have much less chance of accidentally ending up with someone who is into you for one of the usual stupid reasons (you're hot, you have money, you're over 6'2", you are small and Asian, etc.) and so you spend less time confused by the confusing people who want you, and in theory you then have more time and brain-power to figure out who or what you really want.
"do you play baccarat, Mr. Bond?"
We're going to start playing this new baccarat game at work this week. It's sort of exciting in the sense that baccarat is a real game they they play in Vegas, unlike pan-9, so playing it feels less arcane and more approaching an actual job skill. Plus, of course, it's James Bond's game. A high-roller secret-agent serious-money kind of game. And we get to sit in the floorman's box (that is, seat 4 on a regular blackjack table) and do the payouts on every hand, so in theory it will be harder to get bored.
It's not exciting in the sense that, well, it's something else to do, and we're already understaffed and overworked as it is. So we're trying to provide a new service with fewer and less-satisfied people. But, having asked around among my friends, including my lawyer cousin who specializes in workplace issues, it seems that this is the case with most actual jobs. Which makes me feel a little better, if not wiser, and most definitely older.
It's not exciting in the sense that, well, it's something else to do, and we're already understaffed and overworked as it is. So we're trying to provide a new service with fewer and less-satisfied people. But, having asked around among my friends, including my lawyer cousin who specializes in workplace issues, it seems that this is the case with most actual jobs. Which makes me feel a little better, if not wiser, and most definitely older.
32
It's my birthday today, and unfortunately I lost my wallet, but who really gives a pho.
I spent it with some people I love, and some people I hate, and that is what life is really aboot, noh?
I am drunk. I saw the Transformers movie. It kept transforming between a really awesome movie and an unbearably stupid movie. It was a headache that way. I wish they had used the transforming sound to indicate the shifts. Anyway, the most hilarious thing about it was that they killed the Black robot. Yes, as we all know, in American movies there's this trope where the African-American guy always dies, because the institutional racists fear the Black guy who is too useful or pivotal or whatever, but c'mon. You kill the Black ROBOT? And the four other separate-yet-entirely-equal White robots are left standing to chill in the aftermath? What the pho is that?
Jazz was the first Transformer I ever bought (with my parents' money). 'Nuff said.
I spent it with some people I love, and some people I hate, and that is what life is really aboot, noh?
I am drunk. I saw the Transformers movie. It kept transforming between a really awesome movie and an unbearably stupid movie. It was a headache that way. I wish they had used the transforming sound to indicate the shifts. Anyway, the most hilarious thing about it was that they killed the Black robot. Yes, as we all know, in American movies there's this trope where the African-American guy always dies, because the institutional racists fear the Black guy who is too useful or pivotal or whatever, but c'mon. You kill the Black ROBOT? And the four other separate-yet-entirely-equal White robots are left standing to chill in the aftermath? What the pho is that?
Jazz was the first Transformer I ever bought (with my parents' money). 'Nuff said.
well that was a nice dream
....in which, for some reason, you collapsed on my lap, and in an entirely literal manner we slept together, without congress but rather a sharing of weight and warmth, sort of like the ending of that Donald Barthelme story that I never read the beginning of. A dream about sleeping.
...and then I woke up.
Entangled with a pillow.
And it's July.
And hot.
And a spider bit me.
Stupendous.
...and then I woke up.
Entangled with a pillow.
And it's July.
And hot.
And a spider bit me.
Stupendous.
geek summer
I think the problem lately is I've been trying too hard to be an adult (whatever that means) and not giving in to the old geekdom. All this anxiety over Housing and Career and Money blah BLAH blah BLAH....I mean, I'm childless and 30something, what do I really care about all that stuff? That's so not keeping it real. It feels like a pretentious front. A masquerade, if you will. Liked a mid-sized sedan that is really a robot from another planet. That was my weak segue into saying that I'm really thrilled about this new Transformers movie coming out. I'm pleased that there is a Skrull conspiracy going on in Marvel Comics. I am cautiously excited the original creators are remaking Neon Genesis Evangelion into a tetrology of new feature animes, because as we all know, the only thing better than a trilogy is a motherf-in' tetrology.
It's nerdy little otaku enthusiasms like these that have kept me going in the past, and there's really no reason to give up on them now. It has not been a good year, but it could get better.
It's nerdy little otaku enthusiasms like these that have kept me going in the past, and there's really no reason to give up on them now. It has not been a good year, but it could get better.
Prayer
Poor you on a plastic bed
with so many painkillers
and full recollection
Yeah you in a cul de sac
almost to Ontario,
close to home, far from the bar
Brave you in a Vegas hospital
sad and strong, sucking in new life,
after all that gambling
it is a relief to see you sleep.
with so many painkillers
and full recollection
Yeah you in a cul de sac
almost to Ontario,
close to home, far from the bar
Brave you in a Vegas hospital
sad and strong, sucking in new life,
after all that gambling
it is a relief to see you sleep.
going to vegas....
....tomorrow, to visit ailing co-worker. Going to try not to gamble at all, leaving the question, what else do you do in Vegas? I'm not sure. There seems to be a De La Soul show at the Hard Rock, which sounds promising. Also probably some sort of exhorbitant steak will be involved.
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