06

New Year's Eve was so-so, but the night before New Year's eve was pretty fun. New Year's Day was also a blast. I went with a friend to Fogo de Chao, the Brazilian chain steakhouse that is possibly the most enjoyable somewhat-expensive eatery in the universe. Everything tastes fresh and wonderful and the service makes you feel like the most popular girl at the party. They have a great system involving a little button with red and green sides that sits on the table next to your plate. It looks like a coaster, but it is the most powerful coaster in all carnivorous cuisine. When you flip the button to the green side, waiters with glistening roasted meat on skewers descend on you from all sides and offer you wonderful cuts of beef, lamb and chicken that they cut with long knives. When you flip the button back to the default red side, they leave you alone to eat. It's a marvelous thing, keeps the food fresh and in reasonable proportion to your plate. It's a button that they should have everywhere, I think, never mind all bars and restaurants. It would make all interactions easier. You know how you're in a store and you can't get the salesmen to stop talking to you? If you had the red button up, they'd know to just sit back and let you browse until you flip to green. And it would completely revolutionize the social interactions at parties. There are plenty of times at parties when I'm by myself purposefully (red) and then there are times when I'm by myself awkwardly and wish someone would try to talk to me (green). Of course the system would break down there because all the serial killers, rice queens and career scuzzbags would start looking for the poor lonely wallflowers with their green buttons and mob them instantly. But if they came bearing hot garlic-encrusted slices of steak, I guess it would still be OK.