11.22.2003

Had our first rehearsal with Molly and Winona. We shot test footage with the camera and it looks great: a depth and mood that the old digital video just don't have. The white walls are no longer shrill, but grey and somehow purposeful. The people look like movie stars, their movements graceful, with a filmlike blur. It's totally ridiculous that a little technological innovation can make something seem more "human," but somehow it does. I heart 24P!!!!
...It's been a wild week at the Bicycle Club. The last two days Tomoko and I have gotten hit by the big players, down by 50, then 60, then 80 thousand, only to fight our way back to even money by relentless psychotic shaking and banking. It's always good to not lose a couple years' salary worth of money in one night, but it's much more satisfying to almost lose it and then get it back through hard work and dumb luck. I've been a little charmed this year and I'm hoping to God some power-that-is will eventually notice. I love the team, really, but the job is gradually sucking out my soul. I don't talk to people the way I used to, I'm much more reticent and snappy, from this developed fear of others screaming or trying to get one over on me. I mean I think it's healthy to know that you can't trust anyone, but it's not too happy.
...Planning TA91 is what sustains me; unfortunately it also comes with this constant money headache which is difficult to separate from all the artistic concerns. It's not that I'm like this whiny indie director going "Why can't someone just give me two million dollars to make my moooooooovie??!! Why, world, why?" It's just that I know I've spent all the money that I'd need to realize this little dream in my lifetime, and if I'd only saved it rather than using it on cell phone bills, chicken wings, boba teas, bar tabs, electronic doodads, forty-five minute plane rides, casinos, crap movies and frickin' entry fees, then maybe I wouldn't have this headache now. Thank God my Dad at least taught me to pay my credit card bills. If only someone had taught me to appreciate the taste of gruel and the solace of quiet unfurnished closets, I'd be sitting pretty right now.
...Well here's the point when I should link something but I don't know what it should be.
...Just a friendly reminder that I am the Easiest Xmas Gift that you could possible deal with in this anxious season of giving. I don't need a card or wrapping or nothing. Just throw a few bucks at the Donation Button (see to your right), cross me off your list, and rest cozy knowing that you have made an incredibly generous gift, uniquely appropriate, and deeply deeply appreciated. And next year I'll get you a pair of movie tickets. No, you don't have to know who I am or like me.

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