| Asian-American Man Problem | American Woman Problem |
| Nobody seems highly interested in dating me. | Every weirdo in every bar seems highly interested in dating me. |
| I live in a culture that considers me subordinate and docile. |
I live in a culture that considers me subordinate and docile. |
| I am the least-preferred ethnic group in online dating. | I joined a dating site and got 20 pictures of genitalia in the first minute. |
| I don't talk about the racism because it's not sexy. |
I don't talk about the sexism because gaaaaah it's too everywhere. |
| People assume I'm weird. |
People assume I'm meat. |
| Since Mad Men came out I feel pressure to be an Alpha Bro I would never want to be. |
Since Mad Men came out I feel pressure to date successful alcoholics. |
| I am the least-married ethnic group in America. |
I've been married twice already, it ain't all that great. |
| I am very anxious about being nice but not seeming "too nice." | I am very anxious because everyone who's nice to me also has an angle. |
| On other hand, the police are usually pretty nice to me, based on a cultural profile I have no control over. |
Police are usually pretty nice to me, based on a cultural profile I have no control over. |
| When meeting someone I have to devote energy to both appearing sexually interested and not seeming like the weirdo they are expecting. It's exhausting. |
When meeting someone I have to evaluate both how much they want to use me for sex and an exit strategy even if I sort of like them. It's fricking exhausting. |
| I eat meals alone with my phone. | If this guy attempts to pay for my food, does he think I owe him a hookup? |
| I wake up alone. |
I wake up next to some douche. |
| Every opportunity for love is kind of a big deal. |
Ever opportunity for love with a non-stalker is kind of a big deal. |
| If I lived in New York I could get a date because they're more racially open-minded there. |
If I lived in Los Angeles I could get a date because the lonely dudes there outnumber me 5 to 1. |
| Things might go easier if I was gay. |
Things might go easier if I was gay. |
| James Franco, John Mayer, also guys with beards. |
Katy Perry, also girls with nice hair. |
| People are very surprised if I karaoke Prince, even though Asian guys invented that karaoke shit. |
People are very surprised if I karaoke a song that isn't pretty or flattering. |
| Although I have my own preferences, people expect me to just go for whoever's available after Don Draper has chosen. | Although I have my own preferences, they are distorted by the availability of dudes who will evidently humiliate themselves for my attention. |
| Because of TV stereotypes, people expect me to be really good at tech. I'm not. |
Because of porn, people expect me to be really good at handjobs. I'm not. |
| Once, I was just standing around and made someone very uncomfortable by clearing my throat. |
Once, I was just standing around and was invited to a threesome because I adjusted my shirt. |
| I recognize 100 different ways of being written off. |
I recognize 100 different ways of being hit on. |
| I know who I want but she has never even considered the possibility that the Asian guy has functional baby-making equipment. |
I don't know who I want, but I am pretty sure it is not all these people who want me. |
| I actually speak way better English than you. | I actually speak way better English than you. |
