In honor of ComicCon 2012, here is an abridged screenplay for the Justice League movie, modeled entirely after The Avengers movie, because that seemed to work very well.
a superhero team screenplay
by dommah
EXT. DC UNIVERSENear Martian rocks, some MARTIANS plot.
MARTIAN LEADER
We're going to attack Earth.
MARTIAN SOLDIER
Why?
MARTIAN LEADER
Ah, the H'ell of it. Give them something to do.
AMANDA WALLER recruits BATMAN.
AMANDA WALLER
Come join the team.
BATMAN
I'm sulky and complicated...my father....
AMANDA WALLER
INT. FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE
SUPERMAN plays on his iPad of Solitude.
AMANDA WALLER
Come join the team.
SUPERMAN
I'm an extremely boring character. You want Clark Kent.
AMANDA WALLER
You can punch Batman.
SUPERMAN
I'm there.
EXT. COAST CITY
BLACK CANARY, a vixen, recruits GREEN LANTERN, a Ryan Reynolds.
BLACK CANARY
Come join the team.
GREEN LANTERN
Why?
BLACK CANARY
You have a monstrously powerful green superweapon
that you barely control. You will get all the best lines.
GREEN LANTERN
I'm always frightened.
BLACK CANARY
Wait, wait. Wait for it.
that you barely control. You will get all the best lines.
GREEN LANTERN
I'm always frightened.
BLACK CANARY
Wait, wait. Wait for it.
EXT. SOME FOREST
WONDER WOMAN appears and fights Superman and Batman for no real good reason but it's jolly good fun.
WONDER WOMAN appears and fights Superman and Batman for no real good reason but it's jolly good fun.
INT. SUSHI BAR
GREEN ARROW eats sushi.
GREEN ARROW
Fascist running dog sons of bitches.
STARRO leaps off of the sashimi plate and facehugs Green Arrow, taking over his mind.
INT. SATELLITE HEADQUARTERS
Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern and Black Canary all argue.
SUPERMAN
I fight for truth and justice and liquidity and ownership society and blah blah.
BATMAN
I am at this very moment coming up with the technology to kill all you guys. In my head.
WONDER WOMAN
Life on another planet? That's a bit far-fetched, don't you think?
Green Arrow and some Martians attack.
BATMAN
This is never gonna work. I'm gonna go build a Bat-thing.
The team splits up. Aquaman dies.
AQUAMAN
Gurgle.
Black Canary uses her sonic-screamy power on Green Arrow, resetting his head. They make out.
GREEN ARROW
It still hurts when it's cold.
Superman interrupts.
SUPERMAN
Hey, who's got a feather in his cap and a quiver with like a thousand arrows?
I bet this guy RIGHT HERE!
I bet this guy RIGHT HERE!
INT. METROPOLIS HIGHRISE
Batman confronts LEX LUTHOR.
BATMAN
The Justice League. It's what we call ourselves. I voted for "Batman and The Aspergers."
LEX LUTHOR
I have an army of indestructible Martians.
BATMAN
We have a Green Lantern.
LEX LUTHOR
Am I supposed to care what color your lantern is?
Lots of Martians and alien starfish arrive. Big fight. Superman super-delegates. LEX LUTHOR
Am I supposed to care what color your lantern is?
SUPERMAN
Green Arrow! Shoot green arrows!
Wonder Woman! Wrestle with that large starfish!
Batman....! (Where'd that fucker go?)
Green Lantern! Uh.
Wonder Woman! Wrestle with that large starfish!
Batman....! (Where'd that fucker go?)
Green Lantern! Uh.
GREEN LANTERN
Puny Martians! Feel my teeth!
BLACK CANARY
Maybe Marvel characters really ARE more sympathetic.
BLACK CANARY
Maybe Marvel characters really ARE more sympathetic.
Green Lantern beats all the Martians with a giant glowy tube of green toothpaste.
BATMAN
You ever had Banh Mi? Vietnamese sandwiches. Reaaaaaallllly good.
EXT. APOKOLIPS
An awful planet somewheres.
ALIEN FLUNKY
Man, that Justice League is powerful, They're like that superteam in an 80's movie I saw, with Barry Bostwick. What was it called?
DARKSEID
"Omegaforce."
ALIEN FLUNKY
No, that wasn't it...
DARKSEID smiles.
THE END.
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