At-Home White-Privilege Self-Test: Do You Realize That Things Could Go Wrong?

A lot of talk about White Privilege lately. It's a thing. You don't necessarily have to be white to suffer from it. You just have to be mostly a douche. Still, a lot of people, mainly white-privileged people, claim to not understand what it is.

There's a simple White Privilege test that I apply whenever meeting anyone who may be an unconscious carrier of the White Privilege germ. It is as easy and reliable as the home pregnancy test. That is, the test tells you quickly and with a reasonable margin for error whether a person is White Privileged or a Totally Cool & Down White Person.

The test is this. Just ask the person some version of this question: "Do you understand that things could go wrong?"

"Do you get that things go wrong?" "You know how that might go badly, right?" "You see how that might be a bad idea?" You can ask these questions to yourself as well.

There is no possible way that this could have a bad outcome for anybody.

See, the central tenet/symptom of White Privilege is this: Things Are Supposed To Work Out For You. Thus, you never need a plan. You never need to anticipate anything that happens in the real world. Because, as we all know from watching TV and movies, the white male is the hero, deserves to find love with the nice girl (also the Asian girl, the Latina girl the Black girl and the manicpixiedreamgirl), has a righteous mandate to get rid of anyone who stands in his way, and will always win in the end.

So when you meet that guy who goes, "Aaah, let's just play it by ear. We'll get there and figure it out. Don't worry. Think positive. I have confidence," la la lah, WATCH OUT.

What that guy means to himself is, "I'll get there, have a beer, talk to the pretty girl, and everything will turn out all right."

What that guy does to the world is, fuck everything up with his ignorant careless know-nothingness.

People of Color and women (that is, about 70-80% of the world) know that Things Go Wrong. They learn it from life. If they don't, it's because their parents own A) a sports team or B) a country.

White People should know that Things Go Wrong, but sometimes they are not given the opportunity to learn. Sometimes you just get the girl, or the job, or the chance, for no observable reason except, things are working out for you.

Being aware that Things Go Wrong, and sometimes you make them go wrong, is a quality that makes you a better person. I think it's Louis C.K. who said (paraphrasing), "When you say to yourself I'M SO STUPID HOW COULD I DO THAT, that's you learning never to do that thing again." It's a far superior way to approach life than the White Privileged way, which is, "Everything I do is okay, because I'm a great person."

When you're aware that things could go wrong, you are a functioning useful part of the world.

- You can notice when things are going wrong for another person, and maybe help them out.

- You can perceive trouble coming down the street, and with your awareness that Shit Does Happen, you can avoid trouble instead of walking right up to it.

- You make plans that anticipate all the things that could go wrong, and you don't absurdly expect that your plans will work, ever. But at least you have a plan.

- You talk to women respectfully, because you understand that you might not get to have sex with them, in fact the total opposite of that might happen. 

- You are not James Franco, Donald Sterling, or any kid who goes to Princeton. 

Look, I don't care if you were born rich or worked your way up out of the widget-selling fields; if somewhere along the way you learned that It Is Not All About You, then you have a chance of living a White-Privilege-free life.

Do you realize that things could go wrong? You do? Excellent. Let's try to do something anyway.

#NotYourMascot: On The Washington Redskins

I'm a football fan. Would I watch Washington Redskins games any less often if they were called the Washington Redapples? I could not care less. I would watch them. Currently, I try not to watch them, because the name "Redskins" is so insulting.

Change the name. Could you make any more profit, as a team in the NFL, the most lucrative sport in America? Not really. Would your profitability suffer? No chance of that. Football is not going anywhere, so to speak.

Is it an opportunity to make the world a finer place? Yes it is. Because the name "Redskins" speaks to a history of injustice and suffering. It describes an immature America that we'd all do well to leave behind.

A new name for the team would gain new fans. And honor.

The name "Redskins" speaks disparagingly to the people who created the U.S.A. It derides the people who lived here originally, and reminds us that the people who came here were capable of genocidal violence and hatred.

Nothing about this opinion is new. But a new name would be.

Also, let's face it, a new name would GUARANTEE that you beat the Cowboys. And as a Niners fan, that's also something I would stand behind.

A little political rant for apolitical people, and why Social Security is awesome.

From my Bicycle Casino days to currently living in the Sawtelle neighborhood of West Los Angeles, I've been lucky enough to live among a population of recent immigrants and expatriates who are pretty disaffected from the American political process. I say "lucky" because it takes an outsider's perspective to see how hyper-jaded and ridiculous we suburban American-born Americans (yes, amazed guy at the bar whose mother was born in Germany, I am mathematically more American than you by generations of family residence) are about politics.

It's totally understandable why some people don't vote. Both parties are corrupt and voting is rigged. Only a Democrat or Republican will ever get to be President. But it's irksome to think that some people don't vote because they think the two parties are so in cahoots that it makes no difference whether Obama or Romney gets to be President. It makes a big difference. 

I have a very simple/stupid understanding of how U.S politics works. Traditionally, Democrats believe in big government and Republicans like small government. Democrats believe in taxes that pay for the government's ability to do things. Republicans prefer less taxes so that the people will have more money/freedom to sort themselves out without government involvement. 

These are both good, arguable ideas. It's just that recently the Republicans have gone totally nuts, and instead of campaigning on any political ideas, they roll out with, well, this instead:

a) We have no ideas. 

b) We are boring the shit out of people with our total lack of ideas for improving life in the U.S.A.**

c) We keep saying "Tax cuts" because it sounds like an idea, but is actually just one of 10 not-thought-out things written on a little notecard along with "God" and "Probably not into gay marriage."

d) Instead of ideas, we will get the bored people's attention by spewing hate and being weird.

George Bush, the last Republican president, exemplified this non-platform. He pretty much destroyed the country, except for all the rich people.

OK, Obama is not the greatest ever (I happen to think he's pretty great) but the single most compelling reason I can think of to vote, to participate in American democracy. is that Obama is WAY better than the last guy, and the current guy, and any other guy the Republicans are currently peddling. 

It doesn't matter if Obama is in fact only average. Because Mitt Romney would be awful. Sitting through a flawed movie is better than getting punched repeatedly in the face. Especially if both things are going to take four years.

Here's an argument for the left/Democrat way of looking at things, today, on the 77th anniversary of the Social Security Act.

It used to be in America that the biggest percentage of poor people were the elderly. Then, in the Great Depression, they came up with Social Security, and fixed that problem. Now we can't even remember, or even picture, a large number of poor elderly people in America. Because there was a problem, and the government created a program that fixed it. In fact, vanished it almost completely. Yeah, that really happens!

In the late 90's, America had a surplus, and jobs were falling off of trees. I know 'cause I had like three jobs, and I majored in the humanities. Unfortunately, it's hard to remember this prosperity now. Why? Because somehow George Bush got into office, CUT TAXES FOR RICH PEOPLE, and the country is now in deficit, decline, deep shit.

So whenever someone cynically suggests that it makes no difference which way you vote, I think of George Bush destroying the country except for rich people; and when they say our problems are too massive to be fixed, I like to remind people about Social Security.

**At the risk of harping on well-covered territory, but in the interests of NOT FORGETTING, here are the other things that Bush and the last Republican leadership did that are extremely worse than anything Democratic leadership could or would do, but very like the things Mitt would probably do. 
- Went to war in Iraq for no big reason, killing many people, helping oil company profits a lot.
- Didn't particularly care when a hurricane almost destroyed New Orleans.
- Told the kids that America should be an "ownership society," like how the Southern states in the 1850s was a totally awesome ownership society.
- Helped big banks turn America into a home de-ownership society.
- Unless of course you were already rich and got one of those aforementioned tax cuts/bailouts, leaving you with tons of extra money to buy a 3rd house on the cheap from some guy who can't afford it anymore.
- However, they did at least sort out definitively that two people of the same sex attempting to get married is a hugely important issue that affects everyone.