Writing Sample

I'm never sure what to offer up when a "writing sample" is called for. I don't really have that one representative piece. Hopefully this will serve for all possible purposes.

Once upon a time there was a waitress with a million-dollar credit card debt.
She is disowned by her father, her estranged infant daughter, and her cat.
Then one day she meets a radioactive boy whose aura gives her superpowers.
The boy's speech when he dies is hilarious and heartwarming.
She starts a desperate journey to find a gay pirate treasure.
She makes a joke involving Google. Actually, she just googles "joke."
She meets an alien with a really cool car.
They drive the car into the ocean and meet cute animated squids.
Some good-looking Asians mill about.
The unlikely duo becomes friends at a sexy pool party.
She finds the magical ring of power. BUT, this activates a terrorist cell from a country no one's ever heard of.
She makes peace with her father, her estranged infant daughter, and her cat by making them a wonderful meatloaf and a pie. And a Korean taco with butternut squash and applewood-smoked bacon.
The terrorists launch a missile. She races against time. Flashback to the high school concert choir doing a song called "Race Against Time."
She finds that love isn't easy.
She returns to dry land and wins a battle of wits with the missile.
She gets a second chance on love with a sensitive poker player.
A vampire fights an elderly couple.
She pays off her debt and learns the value of sacrifice.
She steps in front of a ninja horde to save her alien friend, and is mortally wounded.
Her infant child speaks her first word. That word is "angel."
The cool car explodes. Then, the sun explodes.
The end.