1.27.2011

Fish, the Sea, Boyfriends, etc.

The next time I'm talking to a girl I don't know very well and she inorganically drops the word "boyfriend" just to let me know that she has a boyfriend, instead of casually blustering past it as I generally try to do, I'm going to stop the conversation utterly, tremble as if a great hole has opened in the earth, and let an excruciating pause develop before gaping out a horrified reply. (I mean sometimes this is what happens anyway, but maybe it would be funny if it were ramped up in ridiculousness) The point here is only to call attention to how non-sequitorish this Point of Boyfriend Information usually is. For example:

ME: Do you like salad?

GIRL: I like pants. My boyfriend wears pants.

(Pause. Pause. In the silence, water is heard trickling through the sewer system below.)

ME: You....you...hhhnh....you.....have a boyfriend?!!

GIRL: Awkward....


...My only gripe here is, if it's not going to be subtle, it might as well be a full-stop titanic announcement, as in:

ME: So....do you like pants?

GIRL: My boyfriend MADE THE SKY. Created all those clouds and wonder, WITH A WORD.

ME: Oh. That is powerful.


....I mean, I get it. You have to get the info into the open somehow. My girlfriend, just as an example, verbally speaks words all the time.

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